the last time

She pulled out of the driveway yesterday morning, headed for Kansas, then back to Minnesota.  She was so ready to get back to her life after this long winter break.  I stood in the biting cold on the front porch and waved, trying not to think too hard about what this leaving stood for, but I could not resist letting go and telling myself the sad story.
     She is leaving as a girl, as a student, as someone whom I still support and as a partial kid.  This will be the last time for that.  She returns to St. Paul to finish her last semester of college.  She spent break looking for jobs, internships, trying to plan a life beyond school.  She will return home next as a "grown-up", self supporting, only a few days off at holiday adult.  We will not have the three week long visits or the mom- daughter road trips.  I know every parent goes through this and it is what we all want.  I'm not sad so much as nostalgic.  I love sifting through the memories of my life with my children.  They were fabulous at every age, through every phase.  Seriously.  And now, another phase has ended and I want to remember.  I want to burn the pictures of the past weeks onto a permanent portion of my mind and hold them there, precious and changeless. Sure, time moves forward and the girl who arrives home next will be more wonderful.  Yet I will silently mourn for a few days.  From where I'm standing, it is important to stop and rest, to look behind and treasure the road you came on once in awhile, before looking forward to the next journey.
 The view from here is lovely.